Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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