Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
