I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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