i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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