Your mouth is God's brothel.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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