i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
this will be a night to untag.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
