Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
