Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I can't trust your balls anymore.
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