Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
