I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
