stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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