You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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