My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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