I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize