When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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