: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
We had to coat check the pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
They have beer where we have blood.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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