she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just want to make out with him forever
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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