I didn't shave. On purpose
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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