Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
