Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
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I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
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my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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