Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
