It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
