yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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