I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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