Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
