Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
