thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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