My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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