Joe is yelling at the trees again.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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