He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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