I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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