So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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