He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
