I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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