just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
