At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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