I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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