dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
