were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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