I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
