i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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