i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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