We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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