He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
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pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
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How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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