Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
