Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Barsexuality is the new black.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
