i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
