Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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