My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
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You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
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I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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