your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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