call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
