I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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