Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
