I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
