you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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