dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
