I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
