he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
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