My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
two words...techno handjob
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
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