i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
