I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
