There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
that's an acceptable place to lick
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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