You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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