The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
