Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
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even the AIR tastes like tequila.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
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Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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