Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i looked up. we had an audience...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Randomize