Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
