Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
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there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
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I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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