so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
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