so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
