so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
