i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
