the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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