he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
