Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
