1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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